The Story

I was 22 years old and in graduate school at UCLA studying Sociology. I had recently married a woman from Lleida, Catalonia who I had met studying abroad in the Netherlands. We were honeymooning in Berkeley and San Francisco and had almost no money. The YMCA Transitional Housing Center was our romantic lodging for the week, and we were so happy!

The second to last day of the trip we hiked up Strawberry Canyon above Berkeley. We reached the peak and spread out a picnic in the grass to watch the sun set on the Golden Gate Bridge. We were laying there staring at the sky as a hawk circled above us. I imagined its lofty perspective–a sweeping canyon, a vast open bay, the intricate detail of the trees, plants, and rocks, and these two small creatures cuddled together on a blanket far below.

The first stars of the twilight sparkled. My mind stretched in every direction to imagine the magnitude of this universe that I was part of–that I was actually in!  And this woman laying next to me from an exotic place I had never been, she would be my lifelong partner in our journey through this magnificent reality.

I was a little elated and overwhelmed. But the force of emotion made me realize that I had spent so much of a life preoccupied with my own personal frustrations and desires. Locked into an anxiety-ridden, prideful internal dialogue with myself I had neglected the richness and nuance in all that there is out there.

Driving down the Pacific Coast Highway back to Los Angeles, I was so sure that everything would be different from that moment forward. The self-consciousness and self-promotion that pervades much of this culture provided little support for feelings of interconnection. The clarity I had witnessed faded and almost disappeared entirely.

After finishing graduate school we moved to Barcelona, and I learned from a more emotionally aware culture and people life skills that served me well. Unfortunately, after more than ten years of being together, my wife and I separated. Difficult times–which we all have–can teach us how to connect to ourselves, to others, and to the world once again.

Through the affirmation and support of many different people, I regained a sense of my own purpose. I know now that my life’s meaning revolves around that day in Strawberry Canyon. My mission is to transcend the insignificant to understand what matters and help others do the same. I realize now that this has always been my mission.

In cultures that find only the surface to be significant, we can lose access to our deepest and richest emotions. Left alone with powerful feelings, we feel disconnected. Understanding and then expressing these emotions that we all have within us, is key to creating meaningful relationships, not only in our personal lives, but between communities and across divides.

From all the help I have received in my lifetime, I have learned that our wellness is interdependent on the wellness of those around us. The quality of our interaction with every person determines the quality of our lives. The most basic thing we can do to be well and make things better is to change how we connect with each other.

I founded WalkTalkNow.org in Barcelona and we are building a community of support around a simple practice of walking and talking so that life-changing interactions can happen between more people. My hope is that together we discover colorful emotions that illuminate the ways our lives, our communities, and the world can be different.